I am resentful at: (including commentary exemplified core level forth/fifth step)
Why are People in Recovery on Facebook so Mean?
Seems to me that if people in FB groups including myself don’t stick to the appropriate status quoes of AA. Or if they have opinions that differ from other people’s perceptions then well…they get bashed. I don’t mind other people’s opinions at all. That is what makes people interesting, when they have fresh new ideals other than my own. Also I love it when they agree and understand where I am coming from. Bur frankly I have been called every name in the book because of my opinions. Which by the way no one has to read. I rarely post on people’s walls. Basically many recovery people who are suffering emotionally are looking for someone to crucify and I am an easy mark because of my writing.
I have been picked apart. I recently created a fun fact finding Big Book quiz http://www.sickasoursecrets.org/quiz-how-well-do-you-know-your-big-book/ which didn’t turn out to be so fun. Even though my quizes generally bring in anywhere from 200 to 2,000 page views. (humans) The few people who comment on the recent quiz did it to criticize and belligerently poke insults at me. One women even called me some childish name. Well I get it hurt people hurt people.
I don’t pretend to not have feelings. I don’t pretend to not care what people say to me. I do care and it does hurt…to a point. These are the tools I use to get past the insults, sarcasms, criticisms, and name calling.
“Society” Shame is the core reason of addiction and people are ashamed of being ashamed. This is why they are mean…because of the same inferiority that I myself feel at this moment.
It takes self awareness and humility to do this.
I resent the people on FB who have hurt me by their cruel words.
It effects my self esteem and confidence It triggers my inner child-like fears
My feelings do not have to be true or realistic whatsoever to have a strong effect on me.
I do want people to like me and I fear they don’t. No I know some don’t.
Somewhere deep in my heart I am injured already. So…I fear I am not worth Loving
_____________People are often wrong
God is my security and my Love. I trust in God to carry me through and He doesn’t make junk. Though my trust and faith is little at times. Even though my heart feels these things and I have written them down it doesn’t mean they are actual truth except in my child like fear and in my heart. (this is the key to the relief, to not just write stuff I know intellectually is true, but to include the hearts fears is magic) They come from a place of truth by what I have lived and what I was taught. But what I was taught was a lie. Being an innocent child my heart believed it. The truth is I am a loving child of God who deserves respect. Nevertheless I honor my heart because it comes from a valid place.
Solution prayer, writing, sharing,meditation, fellowship
I pray for my abusers again. All of them.
I can’t change or get through to these people of my own accord so I pray for them. I will keep writing because it helps me allot. I will share my heart sometimes and my ideas to those who want to read it.
‘God Grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’
I find people who are kind who relate to me. These are my pearls and I am not sure it’s right to make them semi-public. But part of me thinks I should.
Understanding (“we remembered they were sick people”)
Without fear there is no such thing as courage. Fear must be present for courage to exist. People are afraid of the me in themselves. They lack the courage to state their true hearts. They lack the self esteem to be transparent. They are in denial of who they are. Everything is about blame. If not for me (they think perhaps) then they would be happy. If not for me then they would be at peace. I am their beast of burden just as the fat man blames the food or the sex addict blames the woman, or the failing student blames the teacher.
Thanks for letting me share.